Does Money Actually Matter In Relationships?
Money is problem enough especially when you are single and alone and trying to do almost all of life’s requirements. (House, Cloths, food and luxury) Then the hard part comes in …. Having another person in the equation and things almost takes another dimension
Money, despite what any of us wants to believe about “love conquering all”, really matters when you’re in a relationship. Now this is not about letting someone pay for dinner on a date; We all know that even though we’re empowered feminists, it’s nice to be pampered to a nice night out by someone else often and also, you’re kidding yourself if you think that’s the extent of how money will factor into your relationship. Love might, indeed, conquer all, but trust me love still needs a roof over its head, it still needs to have some level of comfort around and probably also doesn’t want to have awkward conversations about financing a romantic getaway.
Financials, because of the expectations that come with it, and because of the way it dictates not only what you can do with your life, but what your limitations are as a couple. And if you ever decide to join financial forces, sometimes individual wants are subsumed by what’s best for both of you. So naturally, having an open discussion about money is very important to not letting financial issues blow up in your love-struck faces. When you’re in a serious relationship with someone, it’s very common for most of your money to become “Our money”. No, this doesn’t always happen; a lot of married go through their relationships and even marriages with near complete financial independence, which is great if that’s what you want. But for others, money becomes a more vaguely joint effort as the relationship moves forward.
And there are consequences to this: If you live together, you need to pay rent, bills, buy a new seats, ornaments etc. Your financial Top lists become the relationship’s financial priorities. While it’s definitely still okay to spend some money on yourself, well some really big purchases would have to be run through good defense. Before you start saying things like “But it’s my money! I earned it!” (Which is very correct, but also) here are six reasons why money actually matters in a relationship:
- Relationships should be even—and you need to be clear about this
Relationships should always be even and equal, and that means a lot of different things to different people. Some people think “equal” means a down the line 50/50 split in finances, but often that’s not always possible. Think about it, not both of them would earn the same amount or the same experience. If this occurs then there should be a clear understanding and a definite arrangement on the how this would be achieved.
Money can become important when one party can’t keep up with the other financially but is still expected to. Knowing exactly what both partners are expected to contribute to a relationship is important to clarify, so no one ends up feeling exploited or out of their depth.
- You don’t want to unexpectedly need to support someone
It’s almost very important to know how much your partner makes. It is really ideal. Now this does not suggest you need to start asking for bank statements, bank balances or last transactions on the second date, but if you’ve been together for a while, and plan to stay together, or if you’re planning to get married or move in together, you don’t want to have “Surprise! I’m broke!” suddenly come up. It’s more than fine to support your partner in trying times, and have them do the same for you, you should be able to stand by your partner during trying times, you don’t want to wake up one day to someone simply expecting you to carry them. You want to know that while your partner might not always be in a comfortable financial situation, their ultimate goal is to be able to put money in the bank, not to ride on your coattails like some lazy freeloader.
- You need to prepare for an unexpected support system for your partner
Yes, it is normal that there are times you might need to support the other person in your relationship. There might be unforeseen circumstances like job loss, big bills and low moments in relationships.
You need to understand that when it comes to money, if you’re in a serious relationship, you’re in it together. Their hard times are your hard times now, and vise versa.
- You need to set same financial priorities
You need to make sure that you are both capable of being reasonable, respectful and communicative when it comes to everyday spending, and that you share the same goals when it comes to spending and saving in general. Getting to know your partners spending habits is essential in building a trust worthy relationship.
For example, when one person wants to save for a new dining room table and the other person is impulsively dropping N100, 000 on a night out with friends in choice spots in Lagos, there’s a pretty fundamental mismatch in priorities, which isn’t healthy and isn’t sustainable. When you’re partnering with someone, especially when you’re living together, your spending habits matter, and will always affect the other person. While you can’t demand someone run every penny by you, you should trust that your partner isn’t going to blow money the two of you need on something frivolous. You can’t police your partner, so you need to be able to trust their judgement with finances, and that’s much easier when the two of you share similar goals.
- Planning a financial future together is important
A stable relationship often involves planning a future, whatever that looks like: Getting a house together, buying a car, having kids, taking lots of vacations or simply living the kind of life you need. Whatever your dreams looks like, money is important because where you spend it is going to dictate how you live, and how you achieve your goals together. It is advisable to spend wisely and open to each other as you go on.
- Fighting about money? Way too easy.
If you are not extremely aware of how money functions within your relationship, it can be destructive and It can ruin your relationship. If you don’t communicate and have an open dialogue about your finances, you can very quickly find yourselves fighting over each other spending habits. You use money every day. Money affects everything from where you live to what you have for as a meal and how you spend your lives. You need to pay particular attention to it.